The last time I was on this blog, I had a lot of things lined up as I normally do. A whole Google Doc dedicated to ideas and how to execute them; if I wanted it in blog form or in video form. I was ready to make 2020 my year, so much so I even got a planner and dedicated when articles would come out and what content I wanted to have with them.
I was doing research that extended my own knowledge on Star Wars, fandom and religiosity, and was excited to do it all. But everything had changed.
It wasn’t lack of motivation. It wasn’t depression. It wasn’t anything that I could change by any means.
On January 22, 2020 at 7:40 AM, my mother died. She was already battling some very serious medical issues, but none of which were the cause of her death. I’ll save you the sad details, but it came to a shock to all of us. No more than 4 months prior I had decided to uproot and move to Northern Virginia in the hopes of something new. Things were finally looking up so to speak, with a new job, new area, new life.
I guess I was lucky because my mother passed before all of the COVID lockdowns hit, because I would not have been able to see my family or my mother. It was only God that could have made that happen, and I am grateful. Since then, I have been in and out of therapy, uprooting and dealing with past traumas, and familial finances; all of which were too much to bear. Finally, after it all, and after the month of Ramadan, was I able to sit down and write this.
I am grateful for all of those who reached out to me on Twitter and checked in on me. I am thankful for all the prayers. I am no longer sitting on sadness. It’s time to get back to reading. This point on, that’s what I’ll be doing!